A Very Good Day

July 1, 1990 was a very good day. Seventeen years ago, I met my future husband.

He had just arrived in Baton Rouge from Indiana two days prior, ready to begin his first engineering job out of college. Actually, he saw me before I ever saw him. He had asked his campus minister for recommendations on where to go to church, and the minister gave him the names of the two largest CoC's in Baton Rouge. He picked one, and that's where he saw me. But that's really his story to tell. Mine begins that night, because we had shown up at the same place, a "Sunday-Night Sing-Along" which took place every Sunday night after church at the home of an older couple, Joe and Candy Lackie. Someone had invited John that morning, and when I walked in the door, there he was. Hmmm.

After singing that evening, he began telling stories from his month-long, post-college adventure in New York City. I thought he was cute, fascinating, and of course, it didn't hurt that he sang bass. He didn't say much to me that evening, but the 4th of July was coming up, and the Singles' Group was having a party. Being in the college group, I was not automatically invited to this, but as a senior at LSU, I had begun attracting the attention of some of the men in the Singles' group. After a couple of rather tedious dates, I had learned the fine art of date-evasion, but one of them had invited me earlier to this particular party. Evasively I had explained to him that I had to work that day and didn't know if I could make it. But suddenly I decided I could make it.

After work that afternoon, I showed up at the home of David and Jocelynn Goff and their four girls, and my gamble paid off- John was there! I followed him around shamelessly. He was flattered, but being a novice in the romance department, he wasn't sure what to do with me- especially since I wasn't such a big talker. But John, never at a loss for words, carried the conversation. As we left for Wednesday night church together that evening, I remember feeling a slight pang of disappointment at the car he was driving: a beat-up, 10-year-old Toyota Celica that didn't even have air conditioning. There are some moments in life where you can catch a glimpse of your future, and this was one of those moments- I just didn't know it at the time, and it's probably just as well.

I left for Panama City the next day, my 21st birthday, because a bunch of us had been invited to stay at a beach house for the weekend. The following Sunday, John took me out for lunch at my favorite restaurant, Drusilla Seafood, thereby securing Most-Favored status with me. We spent the rest of the afternoon experiencing the power of cayenne pepper by making inedible Jambalaya together. The romance was off the ground. We made a Big Mistake later that week by attempting to play tennis, and we have never again tested the strength of our relationship with another tennis match.

John is the only person my mother ever told me not to date, since I made the mistake of telling her the stories he had shared the first evening we met. Those are not the kind of stories a mother wants to hear, and she scolded, "Oh Sandy, don't marry him! He'll make you sleep in bus stations!" But I think she knew it was already too late. I was hooked, and almost a year later, on July 6, we were married.

It was a very good day.

Works For Me Wednesday: Love Edition

This week, Rocks in My Dryer is hosting a special Love Edition of Works for Me Wednesday. I thought I'd share my all-time favorite books on marriage!

1. For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Shaunti's book is short enough to read in one sitting, and she offers real insight into the inner workings of your guy! I reread this at least once a year or so. Shaunti and her husband Jeff have also written For Men Only, which I also recommend. They were able to put into words things about women I had never seen in any other "marriage" book, and which I couldn't begin to explain to my husband.

2. Always by Betsy Holt & Mike Yorkey

A collecion of inspiring real-life stories by couples who have struggled through some of the worst things life can throw at a marriage (incompatability, illness, adultery, financial difficulties, the death of a child). I liked these stories because the people in them are real- not the "perfect Christians" you sometimes find in this type of book. Although it has been a long time since I've read this book, I still find myself thinking back on some of these accounts and thinking, "If God can do that, then he can certainly do this!"

3. Becoming One: Emotionally, Spiritually, Sexually by Joe Beam

Hands-down, the best book I've ever read on marriage. Joe goes way beyond "treat your husband with respect" and "give your wife affection". One cornerstone of his advice: "Have Hotter S~x" (sorry... don't want my blog to get visited by those kind of spammers...) Joe rocked the boat on The Today Show last fall with this message (apparently, Christians have a reputation for being fuddy-duddies. Can you imagine?) Check out this article on MSNBC to see what Joe has to say!

4. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley

It changed our marriage when we read this 13 years ago or so. It's become a "classic" now, and well worth the read!

5. Letters to Karen by Charlie Shedd

This is the first "marriage" book I ever read; I discovered it on the family bookshelf when I was a teen, and adopted it for my own. It's a collection of letters from a father to his daughter as she is preparing for marriage. Oh, it discussed s~x, and a lot of other things as well (but in a way you probably wouldn't mind an older teen reading). It formed a good bit of the foundation for my views of marriage, and helped me know what to look for in a mate (and clearly, it worked! :-) It's still a wonderful read.

What books have had a positive impact on your marriage?

Fifteen Years Ago...

Fifteen years ago... we did it. We took the plunge. We had absolutely no idea what we were getting into. John and I were married in 1991, a year after we met, in the church we met in. It was a pretty good start, but still, we just had no idea! But in spite of our immaturity and the trainload of baggage we each brought into the marriage, and thanks to the grace of God, here we are, fifteen years later. We look at each other and cannot believe it's been that long.

Our first home together was a little duplex near John's job and close to LSU, where I was still going to school. We had a wonderful view of an open field with a sewage plant off to the side. We loved our home, but we realized too late that a Labrador Retriever was not the best pet to have in a small duplex with a small backyard surrounded by chewable wood fencing.

A year after we were married, we discovered we were expecting a BABY. This was definitely not the plan, but we went with it. What else could we do? In order to accommodate this unexpected blessing, we had to move into cheaper digs. While our DINK friends moved into nice houses in upscale neighborhoods, we lived in a tiny duplex in a low-rent side of Baton Rouge with college furniture and old cars. We argued a lot, mainly over money, but the couples in our Life groups- Ronnie and Cheryl, Mike and Phyllis, Clayton and Debbie- took us under their wing and kept us from killing each other those first few years.

And there were lots of good times too. We spent late nights playing dominoes and cooking out with other couples who were in the same boat: Sean and Cherie, Hoyt and Holly and later, Jimmy and Connie (even though Jimmy and Connie were part of the afore-mentioned DINKs). We were young and poor, but we had good friends, a wonderful church family, and, by then, two beautiful children whom we adored.

In 1995, we moved farther north, to be nearer family. Our new town did not quite meet our expectations and it was a difficult time. Everything was different here- even the church- and we felt very much alone. Wayne and Kelly and Rob and Reigh Anne offered their friendship and made our new home bearable. In the meantime, God added two more children to the mix, and we realized that it could be a blessing to stay in our safe family cocoon for a while with few demands from the outside world. We tried desperately to move away from the area, but doors kept getting slammed in our face. God had plans for us.

In 2000, he led us to a new church, which has become family, and a year later, we welcomed baby #5 (who is now 5 years old!) Three years ago, we purchased our first home, a very ordinary-looking red brick house with just enough room for the seven of us and a cat. We love our home. We still drive old vehicles that are on the verge of breaking down at any moment, but somewhere along the way, we learned that old and debt-free is better than new and stressed-out.

And somewhere along the way, we reached a point of... equilibrium. We learned to like each other, warts and all. We stopped demanding so much from each other. We learned that sometimes, you just have to let it go because it isn't worth it. And when it is worth it, treat it with kid gloves... because it's worth it.

Oh, we still squabble from time to time, and I know enough now to recognize that the circle of marriage may just be resting in a time of peace for a while. I know enough to know that when our boat begins to rock again, with patience and prayer, peace will come again.

Fifteen years has given me five beautiful children, a man who has always been my best friend- even when we fight- and a husband I wouldn't trade for all the world.

I'd do it all again.

Another Candle on the Cake

Today is my birthday. I'll just admit it... I'm 37. I'm really not ok with this. Somehow 37 just sounds a whole lot older than 36. I was ok with 36, but 37... wow. But I've decided that I will not be one of those vain people who refuses to tell their age, however much I dislike the number. And I'm learning from the past. Years ago, when I was still, oh, 23 or so, I thought I was fat. Now, after five children, I look back at those photos and think how darn skinny I was! I figure it will be the same with this... one day I will look back and think how young I was at 37, so I might as well stay positive about this. Fortunately John doesn't care. He says he likes old women.
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We dropped the kids off in Indiana over the weekend and John and I have had a fabulous "vacation". John wanted to go somewhere, but I wanted to go home and enjoy the peace and quiet! So we did. On the way back from Indiana, we stopped at Cataract Falls for a picnic lunch and made it back in time to go to Downtown after Dinner.

Sunday we went to Olive Garden for a late lunch and saw "Superman Returns", which we both knew we would like since Roger Ebert hated it. We ran errands at Lowe's and Walmart and rented "Glory" to watch at home.

On Monday, we rented a pontoon boat and spent the day on the lake. It was a perfect day for it, though everybody and their brother was out on the lake. John fished, I read books, we ate our picnic lunch, swam and boated. We had a great time. After we turned in the boat, we stopped at a roadside stand for cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes and went to play putt-putt golf. John creamed me... but he also had quite the advantage. The engineers at his work have an ongoing putt-putt rivalry and sometimes they all go during their lunch hour. John is really good at putt-putt. Geeks.

On the 4th of July, John tried to mow, but it began raining... a real gully-washer! We ended up moving the boys' computer upstairs to the living room where we can keep a closer eye on them. We went to a 4th of July BBQ and fireworks at a friend's house.

And today... my birthday! I'm 37, did you know? I went to yoga this morning, ran errands downtown and then used one of my Christmas massage gift certificates. It was heaven! I roamed the mall in complete serenity. Tonight, John took me to Patti's for my birthday dinner, but since tomorrow is our anniversary, they sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" to the both of us. We browsed all the shops filled with glass and breakables, as carefree as you please. It was wonderful.

Tomorrow, they all return. And I am glad.

A Godly Man

I Love a Godly Man
A man who has postponed his plans to fly planes and sail to exotic places
So that his children will have memories of a dad who taught them to fish, swim and change a bicycle tire

I Love a Godly Man
A man whose strong hands handle the greasy, dark, and dirty jobs that no one else wants to do
And gently pat a fussy baby to sleep

I Love a Godly Man
Who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders during the day
And carries small children on them during a game of “Horse” at night

I Love a Godly Man
A man who understands that real Success is not found in the boardroom
But in watching his children grow and learn and love

I Love a Godly Man
A man whose character is sterling and velvet, whose handshake is better than gold, and whose word stands for honor, integrity and trust.

I Love a Godly Man
A man who is creating a spiritual legacy that will affect generations to come
And who knows that his real treasure is stored up in a better place

I Love a Godly Man
A man who knows that real strength is not found in the gym
But on his knees

I Love a Godly Man
and I am proud that he is my husband and the father of my children.

To him and all the Godly Men like him:
A Very Happy Father’s Day